The Criteria

What makes a cafe great?

Elements under consideration:

• Atmosphere (decor, furniture, art, etc.)

• Music (can I tune it out if I want to, or is it so good that I don't want to?)

• View (am I looking at mountains or a strip mall parking lot?)

• Service (if I had a cafe, I would hire strictly for personability, which can't be taught)

• Bathroom cleanliness

• Location (close to public transit? Nested in a cute neighborhood?)

• Seating (is it possible to do so?)

• Coffee (taste, source, etc.)

• Menu

  • Food and pastry options (best to not overwhelm with lots of options. A few simple treats is perfect).

  • Drink options (same).

• Other stuff (books, games lying around, etc.).

• Merchandise (is merch minimal and tasteful or kitchy and loud?

• Cost

The Ranking:

• ★★★★★

  • An exceptional cafe, firing on all cylinders.

  • Consistent and reliable.

  • You'd bring your family here first if they're visiting from out of town, spend hours here working on a project or reading a book, or go out of your way to get coffee here.

• ★★★★

  • A fine cafe indeed. Although there are a few areas for improvement, this cafe is still solid. You can enjoy it with little urge to complain or tinker.

  • You would pick it any day over a large commercial chain, and happily journey out of the comfort of your home to enjoy coffee here.

• ★★★

  • Still a good cafe, and worth going to. There may be areas where it is very strong, like great coffee or friendly service.

  • However, whenever you visit, you will be distracted by the desire to improve and tinker with elements of the cafe, and may be bewildered, wondering why those elements persist.

  • Or, despite being a good cafe, it is not always reliable (e.g., the quality of drinks, service, etc.)

• ★★

  • A coffee shop that can get the job done—better than getting coffee at a gas station, but you'll probably wonder why you didn't just make coffee at home.

  • If on a road trip and it's right off the highway, it works, but there's so much that could be done better.

  • Might have one strong element that warrants a revisit, it it scratches a specific itch, but there will almost always be better options.

• ★

  • A cafe that drops the ball in most of the areas listed under "elements," or has one or two really severe problems (majorly rude service, terrible coffee, etc.). There is a glimmer of hope that it could be a decent cafe someday, but you generally have no business going in here.